I start my internship tomorrow and I'm scared AF.

This is the blogpost  I wrote before I started my internship in 2018.
Can you relate?

I've been student for 6+ years and I'm good at it; I know how to study, I know how to manage my time, I know my shit. I have never been an intern. I have never been a dietitian. To say I'm scared of these new roles I'm stepping into is kind of an understatement.

Being a student means I'm in my comfort zone but moving into a role where I am in the 'real world' working with real patients, real healthcare professionals, making a real difference, and being watched and evaluated all the time, is waaaay out of my comfort zone.

Of course when I entered dietetics I knew internship was a part of my plan. It's required to get your license to be a dietitian and, since it's so competetive, I stressed about getting one for [literally] years. Getting an internship was my dream... my goal... what I worked my ass off for every single day. And I did it, I accomplished that goal, got to that huge milestone, and got an internship... and nothing has scared me more. I didn't expect this - what a weird feeling to be scared to death by your own dream. 

So what am I freaking out about? Well preparing for internship has been A LOT. For my first rotation alone, I had my internship coordinator send me 11 articles to read, 2 assignments to do and 3 days of on-campus training to attend. Plus my preceptor sent me 8 articles to read, a list of medications I needed to get familiar with, a million hospital training modules to complete, and an assignment that is due during my first week. AHHHHHH

I'm worried that I won't remember what I learned so many years ago. Especially for myself where I had a bumpy start to my post-secondary education and took some essential courses 6 years ago, I worry there is no way on Earth any of that has 'stuck'. I'm worried that adjusting to the 9-5 lifestyle will be difficult for me. I really got used to the flexibility of a student lifestyle and I'm worried that sleeping-in and making my own schedule will be a thing of the past. 

I have anxiety and having time alone is essential for my self care. I would probably consider myself to be a people person and am super excited to work with people every day, but when I get deprived of time to be alone and decompress, I feel like I am 'over-stimulated'. I'm afraid that that over-stimulation will be an uncomfortable feeling that I'm going to have to get used to. I'm afraid of working 40 hours a week and having assignments, readings and case studies to do at home on top of that - will I have time for anything else? Will the next 8 months of my life consist of internship 24/7? Will I get burn-out? 

I'm afraid of making mistakes in internship that could harm somebody's health. This is a healthcare profession I'm in here - the stakes are high!!! The pressure is high!!! Making a mistake could have awful consequences and thinking about that is almost paralyzing....